LIFE LOVE LAUGH

actually i dunno what should i do after did primary test of dermato musculo skletal .
just at home , and quite night ..
as always , my dad still working , and other family asleep ..
i find just me , myself ..
by the way , it takes a long long really long time i never write something on this blog or in my mind exactly .
emm , maybe my english skill getting worst everyday , but i try to write down in english ..
i almost forget the tenses , grammar , vocab , in my mind only medical dictionary that i have to remember , it is awkward ..

i wrote this title about love , but i do not have any ideas pass on my mind ..
love love love ..
why this word always i hear everyday , by from conversation , social media , or by my self .
i really dunno what is the meaning of love is ..
i just felt it is hurting me , just that i know ..
i can love someone that everyday he always hurts me ..
is it called love ????
he never makes me happy ..
smile ? he never makes me smile .
he just does everthing that he wants , he does everything that he likes , he hurts me , and never think abaout my heart , how hurt it is ..
it is killing me ..
and i ?
why am i ?
why do i love him ?
he never makes me happy ! even smile ..
but why ?
it feels more killing me if i am not with him ..
wiyhout him , i am nothing ..
actually i really run from this condition.
sometimes , i try to love other guy , be kind of girl to everyone
but what i get ?
i can not go far away from him ..
he and i very rarely to meet ..
maybe 2 weeks then we meet, or maybe one month ..
our conversation just by send text message , call ? it is the seldom thing that we did..
but why , why , why , i can go from him ..

is it call love ?
love is really hurting me ..
is there anyone can make me smile ?
i do hope and i will love him like i love my self , it can be more than myself :')
seriously ..